Handyscapes Inc.

By Dick O’Brien M.A.S.c

Every quality organization today knows the need to have employees work co-operatively as a team. Without teamwork the day gets longer, the work gets harder, the spirit gets lower and the service gets worse. These are difficult times for people to feel like a team. Continuous change, restructuring, uncertainty and doing more with less all combine to defeat personal motivation to yield to the good of the team.

Yet these very conditions require that we explore new ways of working together to not only survive these times but also even thrive on the opportunities.

There is an old saying that whenever you get more than one person in a group you are bound to have some problems. This is after all only human nature. People, personalities and attitudes clash creating a stressful and unhealthy working and living environment. We know this from the closest team we all live in, our families.

The following are some lessons of living that allow us to reflect on the health of our team and are worthy of consideration.

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By Dick O’Brien M.A.S.c

The holiday season is over. The millennium has come and gone and we are all left with our first steps into the New Year. With the present aggressiveness of the flu season and the numerous reports of overcrowded Emergency Rooms it seems to me to be a good time to reflect on our own sense of personal wellness.

In my mind, personal wellness is simply “how well you are taking care of you.” Though it has become the fashionable thing to drink bottled water and attempt abdominal crunches, I do not feel that most people have grasped the simple and basic issues of wellness.

During the holiday season I was watching information television and saw a video in which researchers claimed that 35% of your health was due to your genetics. They also said that 15% of your health would be a result of your health care system and the remainder (50%) is a result of lifestyle choices. This is the message we are not getting. Our family history and our family doctor are less important in most cases then is a concerted conscious attempt to live a more healthy life.

The following are some fundamental principles of wellness that generate some healthy thinking.

Basic Principles of Wellness:

We are dying from the way we live!
(Self-Explanatory.)

Wellness is greater than health.
(Wellness is the spirit, energy and attitude needed for a long and full life.)

We live in an unhealthy, demanding environment in North America.
(Self-Explanatory.)

You are it. It is up to you.
(Don’t put your well-being in the hands of the government, your employer, or the weather, put it where it has always belonged – in your hands.)

Beware of the allure of the victim mentality.
(We are less victims of life and more victims of our own thinking.)

Well-being involves awareness and acting on that awareness.
(Good intentions are not good enough – You must actively do things to create wellness in your life.)

You will get wake up calls.
(We all get wake up calls about many areas of our health and well being – too often we don’t answer the phone.)

There are consequences to all your choices.
(Every choice we make physical, emotional etc. results in a step to or from our present state of wellness.)

Our motivation for health and well-being is peppered with excuses.
(We have become the masters of excuses and our excuses have become the masters of our lives)

The bitter pill to swallow: we are 100% responsible for the way we live.
(Self-Explanatory)

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By Dick O’Brien M.A.S.c

You heard it here first! We are all going to have bad days and there are more bad days ahead of you. The real issue is not whether we will have difficult personal times. It is how much power and authority we give those bad days and difficult times over our lives. The real struggle here is to beware the trap of the victim mentality during the vulnerable moments of our lives. I have found that way too often we are less victims of life and more victims of our own thinking

The first step to healthy living is to take ownership of your life and behaviors.

When we ask, “Where does our stress come from?” The answer is always, ourselves. The unhealthiest thing you can do is to identify as a victim of other people and your environment.

95% of the stress in your life is self-induced.

Your work, environment or other people do not cause your stress. It may often seem that way but the truth is that stress is a reaction by you to a perceived threat in your environment. It originates not in your circumstances but in your thinking.

Change the way you think and you will change your life. Become less demanding, less perfectionist, less hurried and more compassionate and you will become less stressful.

It is essential to understand that the beginning of stress management is to reflect on self-management. Too often we react to and worry about things that will not matter in the long run. Life is too soon too short!

We all know that life can be tough going at times. Pressures can mount up. When you’re in a stressful situation, it is your attitude that determines who will come out the winner.

As we have noted, stress is a fact of life and a part of life. There is no escaping it. But there are some simple things you can do to prevent unnecessary stressful situations from developing in your life.

Set your alarm clock to get up at least 15 minutes earlier in the morning. You will avoid last minute rushing. You will start the day in a more relaxed and less stressful way.

Eat breakfast. It should be wholesome but easy to prepare so that you don’t waste time in the kitchen. You need energy to start your day.

Have everything written down. All of your most important chores of the day should be listed on a piece of paper. This will take much of the frenzy out of your life.

Resolve that you will be as honest as you can throughout the day. There must be no little white lies. They will come back to haunt you and hurt you.

Make certain that you have your daily essentials with you at all times.

Check to see that you have your keys, money, personal belongings, driver’s license and necessary credit and identification cards. Misplacing an item can cause stress when you suddenly discover that it is missing.

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By Dick O’Brien M.A.S.c

It seems to be very common today to complain about lack of energy, poor sleep and reduced enthusiasm for life. So many people seem to be tapped out physically, mentally and spiritually.

I would take a guess that as much as 75% of Canadians are not fit for work as they begin their day. We have lost so many of the rituals and routines that prepared us for the day and helped us to get off on the right foot.

A substantial amount of people are defeated before they get to work because they have not taken the responsibility to be in the best shape possible to deal with the day. Many individuals are already reactive just from the drive into work each day.

In North America it is easy to see that we are dying from the way that we live.

Competition, hurried sickness, worry, stress and a pervasive sense of vulnerability are impacting the health and personal lives of many Canadians and their families. Too many individuals continue to ignore the wake up calls that indicate erosion in emotional health, physical well being and personal spirit.

The key here is to place the ownership for our health where it belongs – you.

We must become responsible for the attitudes and behaviours that define our days and our lives. Life is a struggle. It always has been and always will be. This is neither good nor bad. It just is! The key issue here is how you choose to respond to the struggles in your life.

Look at the way you start your day. Notice what you do to ensure your personal vitality for that day and become aware of the things that can set you up for failure.

You have a personal responsibility to yourself, your family, your employer and your future to cultivate the personal habits that will ensure the energy, attitude and overall vitality you will need to deal with your day.

Rituals and Routines

Key rituals for Personal Leadership

1. Rise early – Greet the day – don’t linger.
2. Exercise your body – creates stamina, flexibility, resiliency and energy.
3. Stretch during the day.
4. Develop a negative free zone (News, criticisms, country music.) Stand guard all day.
5. Make some time for time outs and breaks.
6. Develop some quiet time every day.
7. Do some uplifting reading daily.
8. Cultivate morning inspiration.
9. Always take time for gratitude.
10. Be aware of your bodies fuel needs.

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By Dick O’Brien M.A.S.c

There are two very powerful symbols in life that represent the personal direction you may take during a difficult moment. These symbols are the compass and the clock. Be aware, not only are they two different symbols, but they are two very different instruments. The compass points to true north when you are lost and the clock tell you what time it is.

Too many people live life by the clock and too few people live life by the compass. Time management, hurried sickness, “to do” lists and running out of time are all matters of the clock. When life throws you a curve and you are hit with a surprise, when you feel tapped out, disappointed or overwhelmed, these are issues for the compass.

I find that I get lost many times in a week and sometimes in just one day. Someone I hurt, some mistake I made, some piece of news I got, or some disappointment I was not ready for can all leave me with a sense of being lost. This is the time to turn to your personal compass for needed direction.

My compass is composed of thoughts, lessons, and reflections that lift my spirit and that I can go to in a difficult moment. Some of these may assist you as well, and you might want to include these in your compass.

They include:

1. Using art and music. There are certain posters and pictures as well as compositions and melodies that renew me every time.
2. Writing yourself a letter on a good day and reading it on a difficult day. This will remind you of a better state of mind that you are capable of having in your life.
3. Writing out a list of the ten most powerful quotes you have ever heard in your life. Go to this when you feel lost for some powerful personal wisdom.
4. Developing a gratitude list. Write out a list of the things you are grateful for in your life and keep it with you. When I am having a difficult day all I have to do is look at this list to remind me of the many blessings in my life. Though my present list has about 62 items on it, I usually can’t get past the first six without changing my attitude in that moment.

The Compass and The Clock.

1. Some people live by the compass and others are driven by the clock.
2. The former respond to life, the latter react to life.
3. The former live more in the moment while the latter allow the baggage of the past to become the architect of the future.
4. The former are victors of life and the latter are victims of their schedules.
5. The former are focused on their journey and the latter are fused to their destination.
6. The former defer to their map and the later refer to their planner.
7. The former live life by design the latter live life by default.
8. The former knows where they are going and is enjoying the ride while the latter has been here before and surviving the day.

Instead of managing your time manage your life!

1. Replace the illusion of control with the reality of the frailty of life.
2. Learn to keep the clock on your wrist and the compass on your mind.
3. Let your personal compass determine the use of your time and don’t let the clock give direction to your life!

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By Dick O’Brien M.A.S.c

In this article I am continuing my series on the lessons of life. One lesson that we all know too well is that life continues to send us many surprises, challenges and struggles.

Researchers in this field have come up with a simple but common sense model for understanding our reaction to the demands of life. They have found that whenever we are faced with a stressful situation, problem or crisis, we rapidly assess the situation in our own mind and than react. They claim that there are two assessments going on in our mind. First we appraise the extent of the problem. We assess how threatening, dangerous or overwhelming this situation is to our lives. Next we appraise our own capacity to deal with it. We assess the extent of our ability to handle the present situation.

In other words we subconsciously take into account how bad the situation is and whether we feel we can deal with it.

Common sense tells you that if you see the situation as catastrophic and you feel you are incapable of handling it, you will break down.

There are two ways of increasing the odds that you will deal with many more of the challenges that life sends you:

1. See the current problem as unpleasant and undesirable but not insurmountable. (Get a better perspective on the problem that allows you to see some solutions.)

The Lesson of the Big Picture

2. Realize that you can and will deal with this. (Trust in your self and bring out your personal confidence.)

The Lesson of Resiliency.

The Lessons of the Big Picture.

The larger our perspective, the more information we take in and the more likely decisions will be effective. We tend to get caught up in our own limited view and than think this is all there really is. This tunnel vision is limiting and dangerous. It magnifies insignificant events and distorts them out of perspective while diverting our attention from what is really important.

Positive Self-Counsel

“I know that some of our best opportunities in life come to us cleverly disguised as problems. Sometimes the opportunities only show up in the Big Picture. I need to know where to focus my efforts and seek solutions.

The Lesson of Resiliency – Life demands resiliency.

Resiliency is your capacity to recover from the difficult situations in life. It is your ability to withstand adversity and personal challenge, to bounce back and renew yourself. It requires a belief in yourself and your capabilities. Being resilient has become less of a desirable trait and more of a survival skill.

Positive Self-Counsel

“I will dedicate my life to becoming more resilient. I will focus on becoming more flexible, adaptive and renewing in the face of surprise. I want to extend my ability to withstand adversity and personal challenge. I have dealt with many difficulties in the past and I can draw strength and courage form my previous personal victories.”

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By Dick O’Brien M.A.S.c

The recent attack on the World Trade Center has been a wake up call to many North Americans. It has caused us to reflect and refocus on what is truly important in our daily life.

In the aftermath of this disaster, may people begin to change their attitudes about the challenges of life. I witnessed much less frustration about being in line at an airport. I saw people beginning to realize how fragile life is and choosing to slow down the pace of their day. I spoke with individuals who were rethinking the meaning of traditional holidays and celebrations.

Many people are feeling a real sense of loss, including anger, vulnerability, fear, insecurity and depression. These are normal and expected reactions to such a powerful event. If these emotions begin to immobilize a person or continue unchecked, they may lead to serious personal problems.

The key to this post trauma shock is to transfer your focus away from the event itself and refocus on your personal capability to respond to this difficult and tragic event. You need to shift your attention away from the vulnerability of the moment and more toward your personal resolve to recover.

Often our best comes out during our worst times. Let this end of innocence become the beginning of true wisdom.

The Rituals of Resiliency:

1. Rise early – Greet the day – don’t linger.
2. Start your day with gratitude.
3. Exercise your body – creates stamina, flexibility, resiliency and energy.
4. Stretch.
5. Develop a negative free zone (News, criticisms). Stand guard all day.
6. Live in the moment 2 to 3 time a day.
7. Develop some quiet time every day.
8. Do some spiritual reading 15 min a day.
9. Cultivate daily healthy thoughts.
10. Be aware of your bodies fuel needs.

Before I can take good care of any one or any thing I must first take good care of my self”

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By Dick O’Brien M.A.S.c

I have been teaching resiliency to adults for over 25 years and frequently it occurs to me that we need to pass this wisdom down to our children. Frequently I find that we are not bringing our children up to be resilient.

I cannot think of a more important capacity to give our children than the ability to bounce back from whatever life sends them. This is called AQ or Adversity Quotient and it is frequently more important than IQ in determining the future happiness of our children.

Often I find that we are bringing our children up to be victims. Every time a parent interferes with the reasonable and natural consequences of their child’s own behavior they rob them of their destiny to grow. Way too many parents over rescue their children from the consequences of life.

The greatest fear in the world is the fear of being inadequate. Too many children are growing up with self-doubt and low self-image that will plague them throughout life.

Children need to experience the struggles of life within the protection and love of the family. In this manner they develop a track record of dealing with the inevitable vicissitudes of life and begin to realize that they can handle it.

Two of the most powerful things we can say to our children are: ” I love you!’ (and my love for you is not tied to your behavior) and “You can deal with life.” (as a matter of fact, dear, you are going to have to deal with life.)

Two of the greatest gifts we can give our children are Roots and Wings. Roots are character and wings are encouragement. In other words we need to give our children the tools and the incentives to be able to deal with life.

It is the ultimate responsibility of parents to give their children the gift that keeps on giving. It has always been the goal of any parent to be able to say that their child can deal with life by the time they go out on their own. This is the true gift of family life.

Here are 18 tools of life worth encouraging in your children at any age. It is never too late.

Let us challenge our children to:

• Deal with Disappointment
• Overcome Failure
• Cultivate a Healthy Self Image
• Accept Responsibilities
• Examine their Choices
• Become Resilient
• Delay Gratification
• Cope with Stress
• Live up to Commitments
• Contribute to their world
• Become Sensitive to others
• Learn from their actions
• Think and be Creative
• Become problem Solvers
• Deal with Emotions
• Live with Values and Respect
• Be Positive in life
• Become Life Long Learners

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By Dick O’Brien M.A.S.c

My normal line of work is to conduct inspirational presentations to large groups of employees across Canada.

It is not uncommon that just before I am about to begin a presentation someone feels obliged to come up and tell me that this particular group of people are very unhappy. They often say, “You have a real challenge ahead of you this morning.” “I sure hope you are good.” “The last presenter did very poorly.” “Nobody really wants to be here.” Finally, they tell me, “You wouldn’t believe the morale around here.”

I feel like yelling out, “Yes I would!” First of all, this particular person doesn’t make me feel too chipper about being here, and second, I do this for a living. It is almost as if these people feel that they are the only ones having this problem.

Do they really think that there are places I visit where everyone is extremely happy all the time?

I have found that if you get more than two people in a room at any one time, you are bound to have a morale problem. Some days I have a morale problem just with myself. Every organization, no matter how big or small, struggles with morale. Whether or not it becomes a problem for you is always your personal choice.

Morale is no longer the collective emotions of the organization. The only morale that counts is the one you choose to bring to work with you each and every day, and the attitude you choose to bring home with you each and every night. Morale is more personal and less organizational.

Though it is reasonable and responsible for organizations to do everything within their power to create the most positive and encouraging work environment possible, human frailty will always allow people to fall short of this goal. This is where personal morale counts the most. It is the approach you take to work, family and life, regardless of the circumstances.

The following are six Key Principles of personal morale:

Key Principle #1

When you bring out the best in you, you bring out the best in others.

Key Principle #2

When it comes to your future, good intentions are never good enough.

Key Principle #3

When you are taking good care of you, you are taking good care of business.

Key Principal #4

It is easy to be encouraging when things are going well.

Key Principle #5

You be the change you want to see in your organization.

Key Principle #6

The only morale that counts is the one you bring with you each and every day.

Morale is an issue in every organization.
Whether or not it becomes a problem for you is always your choice!
Ultimately–who is responsible for your morale?
YOU!
Always has been and always will be!

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By Dick O’Brien M.A.S.c

Often when people come for counseling, they are struggling with a problem and are searching for a plan of action. When we are presented with a personal challenge we want to know what to do. This is the most common conversation we hear from friends and neighbors.

I find that in North America we rush too quickly to action and spend too little time in reflection. We search out “How To” books in the self help section of the book store that deal with everything from parenting to sex, love and finances. This tendency seems to be rooted in the quick fix mentality. “If there is some problem, I need to find out how to correct it immediately.”

I have found that there are no quick fixes in life and love; only fundamental principles of living that require a lifetime of practice.

We focus too much on strategy and not enough on the principles behind it. When the strategies don’t work, we blame the book or the counselor or the friend and conclude that we received poor advice.

My take on this involves the following thought:

“Nurture your strength of spirit to shield you in time of sudden misfortune.” This is the key! It is far better to develop the wisdom to handle life’s problems, than to hope you don’t have any problems.

In order to stay healthy both physically and emotionally we need to feed the spirit with inspiration on a regular basis.

Our daily life is filled with discouragement in the news, work, rumors and life in general. We need to make the time for reflection earlier in the day, so we can navigate the difficult moments of life when they appear later in the day.

This is done though quiet time, walking, music, prayer, silent reflection, scripture, poems, and inspirational reading.

My favorite of these is quotes. I make it a practice to read three to five new quotes every morning as a ritual at the beginning of my day.

I collect quotes in a folder on my desktop called Daily Thoughts. Here are a few for your consideration:

“People are like a storage battery, constantly discharging ENERGY and UNLESS they are recharged at frequent intervals they soon run dry.”
Unknown

“Be open-minded, but not so open-minded that your brains fall out.”
Stephen A. Kallis, Jr.

“Don’t look where you fall, but where you slipped.”
African Proverb

Peace – It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.
Unknown

“Character is doing what’s right when nobody is looking.”
J.C. Watts, Jr.

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